A New Begining
by AbigailEmily
Summary: When India moved to Waterloo Road, she was hoping for a new start. But its hard to live a lie, especially when your past keeps cropping up behind you...
1. Chapter 1

India looked herself up and down in the mirror one last time. Today was the day, she was starting at Waterloo Road. She hated that they got moved around so much, but she was hoping that they would stay here, for a little while, at least. Her skirt was rolled up so high it looked more like a belt, and her tie hung loosely around her neck. Her blonde hair hanging loose around her shoulders in soft curls, blue eyes accentuated by thick black eyeliner and her lashes coated in mascara, she applied one more coat of lipgloss, before deciding she was ready. She pulled on her high heels, grabbed her bag, and with one last glance, she walked out of her room.

She walked downstairs and was met by her father. "you look like a slut" he said. "I don't see why you bother, you already have a boyfriend"

India walked out of the house, regardless. The boyfriend in question was Nick, a suggestion by her father, not that she liked him much. She arrived at school and walked up to the head teachers office. She sat down on a chair outside and wondered what her new school was like. Despite the fact that she had been to 13 different schools since starting secondary school 4 years previously, she still got nervous. But her plan was to lie low, act like everyone else, don't draw attention to herself in any way. To everyone else, she was just a normal girl, like any other, or that's what she hoped they would perceive anyway. She was called in to collect her timetable and went to her first lesson, English, with Mr Clarkson.

India's POV

I walked into my English class and was invited to sit down next to a boy named Harley, quite happy to just sit unnoticed for the rest of the lesson. But Harley and I ended up comparing timetables. They were fairly similar and, according to him, I had all my classes with his friend Zack. I asked him who he was. He turned round and pointed to a ginger boy on the back row. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. Nothing much else happened for the rest of the day, much to my relief, that was until my last lesson of the day, when, much to my surprise, Zack asked, very timidly, if I wanted to go to the cinema with him on Thursday. Even more to my surprise, I found my self feeling flattered that he was interested. But then I remembered, I was supposed to be going out with Nick on Thursday. As much as I hated him, I knew my father would get really angry if I didn't go, so I said I was busy, but could we go on Saturday. He seemed to have no problem with that, so it was set. Saturday came and at 4pm sharp I arrived on his doorstep, slightly taken aback by the sheer size of his house. I had spent at least an hour trying on outfits that afternoon. I had ended up in White jeans, a loose silk blouse with flowers on and my favourite White and sliver pumps. I had my long, sandy blonde coloured hair straightened and on a side parting. I knocked on the door and was surprised to see Mrs Diamond open the door. Had I come to the right house? I asked myself. But she ushered me in and I suddenly realised how stupid I'd been, they had the same surname, and I hadn't even noticed. We talked for a bit and then I went to the cinema with Zack. It was completely empty so we ended up running round the cinema madly and having a popcorn fight. Because of this, I have no idea what the film was about though, I guess we will never know. When we arrived home Mrs Diamond 'call me Sian' said that we were going to have a picnic, much to Zack's embarrassment. But, eventually, he agreed and we were on our way. While we were there it was so perfect. I proper family. It was sunny and Zack had his arm round me. We laughed and his parents liked me, which was a change. And then the storm came. The rain pored down, but even then it was still fun. We ran home in the rain screaming and then we collapsed on the floor of his house and laughed. I hated to leave. His family was perfect. Unlike mine. I wished I could stay forever. I didn't know when I could return. I knew my parents would get suspicious. And then there was the problem that I would never be able to invite him back to my house. We went on a few more dates and they were all perfect. I just told my parents I was at Emily's house. that was until I said I was going out with her and then Emily phoned up to talk to me while I was supposedly out at hers. It all came out and they threw me out. I had no idea where to go, what to do? So I just walked. I had nothing. Nobody.


	2. Chapter 2

I found a burned out car on my travels. This would be my new home. I still went to school. I still went round to Zack's and Emily's. Like nothing had happened. That was my idea. No one knew about what had ever happened in my family life and they weren't about to. That was until that night. I remember it too well. I was just by the car when a man came over. One of those kinds that just looks hard, with tattoos and all that. He saw me and ran towards me and grabbed me by the neck. "that's my place" he screamed. My first instinct was to run but then I thought, no, he has no more right to this than I do, so I held my ground. He wasn't expecting that. I tried to look hard, even though I was screaming inside. Every sinew in my body was telling me to run, but I stayed. "so you think you're hard,then" he growled. But then he pushed me hard against the wall "well let me tell you, little girl, I don't stand for anyone taking what's mine" he shouted. he took a knife out of his pocket and held it to my throat. "not so hard now, are you. I won't kill you yet though." he pulled the knife down, making a huge gash in my leg as he did so. He pushed me to the ground "so, I guess you will have to pay" I could smell the sweat on his skin as he tore off my clothes as well as his own. When he entered me it hurt so much, but I was so scared that I couldn't scream. I don't know how long it was before he stopped, although to me it seemed like an eternity. Then he dragged me up and pushed me against the side of the car "now you are going to die, little girl" he whispered, drawing his knife slowly backwards and forwards across my neck, taunting me. Suddenly I could take it no longer. I lashed out. I kicked him where it hurts and seizing the moment, ran to the first place I could think of. Zack's house. When I was confidant I had got far enough away from him a stopped, panting, beside a tree. I pulled on my clothes, quickly. My body was ugly enough with bruises and cuts all over it, especially with the new ones I had received this evening. I didn't want Zack to see me like that. I began to run again, but now that I was less scared the throbbing pain in my leg had become quite unbearable. By the time I arrived at the door of his house I could hardly walk Practically collapsing, I rang the door bell. A couple of minutes later I got a disgruntled Sian at the the door complaining about the fact it was 11.30. I couldn't really take in what she was saying. I attempted to walk through the door, but I just fainted right into Sian's arms. I heard her gasp and then gently lay me on the ground. I felt my eyes flutter open. I looked up at her. And she looked down at me, her eyes full of concern. She didn't say anything, but whilst holding me, she began to clean the wound on my leg. It was odd. It was like I was watching from afar. I could see what was going on, but I couldn't feel anything. Like I was out of my body. I don't know how long it was before she finished, but when she did she gently lifted my back so that I was sitting up. I just rested on her shoulder for a while. It felt so nice. It was odd, because I had never felt a mothers love before. But then she asked the dreaded question. How did it happen? I really didn't feel up to this now so I simply shook my head, looking up into her eyes with a look of pleading mixed with pain. Her lips moved into a reassuring smile but she said do you want me to call your parents? Again I looked up into her eyes, a look of such despair in my eyes that a look of almost horror came upon her face, but I simply said, please, no. So I think she did the one thing she could. She held me closer to her and I rested my head on her chest. It was so relaxing: we breathed at the same time like one body. Her arms around me. I could feel her rocking gently in time with the breathing and she was playing with my hair very gently. I wondered if everyone's lives were like this, apart from mine. However I soon fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

India's POV

When I woke up we were still in the same place. Leaned up against a wall, Sian's chin resting on my head, her arms were still clasped protectively around my body. It was only 5.30am so I went back to sleep again, slightly more at peace.  
Sian's POV  
I awoke some time around 7 with Zack's girlfriend in my arms. It took me a while to process the information before I remembered the horrors of the night before. What I could see of her leg looked like it was healing, but there were so many other wounds all over her body. It made me wonder just what it was she could have been through that could have caused all of this. I gently woke her up and she sat up. I said that she could borrow some of Madi's clothes and so she followed me upstairs.  
India's POV  
As I walked up the stairs I couldn't help but feel happy. Despite what had happened, it was nice to be part of a loving family, even if only for a short time. However, as I was walking I became increasingly light headed, and I could feel what had happened yesterday all over again. It felt like I was detached from my body, floating by the side. All the sounds were muffled and my vision went blurry. I don't remember anything after that.  
Sian's POV  
I was almost at the top of the stairs when I heard this bumping sound. I turned round immediately and was horrified to see India's body falling down our long staircase. I was about to scream for help when Jez, my husband, ran out from one of the side passages and grabbed her, preventing her from falling any further. I ran down to him and together we carried her down the the floor. He looked at me with a look that asked a thousand questions. I simply said later, so he walked away. I found myself yet again in the position of waiting for her to wake up, so thought I would take this opportunity to look at some of the other wounds on her body. I gently lifted up her top and was shocked. She was covered in little cuts and bruises, some fairly deep. I took the opportunity to look at her wrists and was horrified. There were cuts and scars everywhere, most looked fairly recent. I had had no idea what she had been going through, she had always seemed so happy, to me. But, I decided that now probably wasn't the best time to talk about this.  
India's POV  
I felt myself waking up, but I couldn't remember what from. And I seemed to be lying on the floor. I honestly had no idea. I opened my eyes slowly and was met with Sian's face. It took a second for me to even remember why I happened to be in her house. Then I remembered the night before and everything seemed to fall into place from there. Sian seemed to be saying something to me but I couldn't really hear so I just agreed. She helped me up and started to lead me somewhere. What's going on? I thought. Then I remembered that before I was going to borrow some clothes from Madi so I assumed that was what we were doing. After I had changed I again followed Sian somewhere. Also yet again I had no idea where we were going. I really needed to pay attention more! We ended up in the kitchen where I was met by Zack. My Zack. I liked saying that. It made me feel like I fitted in. He seemed to be shovelling large amounts of bacon into his mouth. I smirked and he said "what?" well at least I think he did. You couldn't really hear because of the amount of food in his mouth. I simply replied "you have some ketchup on your chin" he wiped it off with his sleeve and I grimaced. He just shrugged and continued to eat. Then another plate of bacon appeared in front of my place. I began to eat and then asked him what he happened to be doing up at this unearthly hour. He replied that he had rugby practice. Oh yes, that was right. I remembered him saying something about that before. I took the opportunity to take another bite of bacon. "you eat so daintily" he said, before stealing a piece of bacon from my plate. I acted mock horrified but to be honest I didn't really care. I wasn't particularly hungry and his expression was cute. A while later he left for rugby and then with the help of my directions Sian drove me to my stables. She asked me if I wanted her to stay but I replied that she would probably get bored seeing as I was going to be there all day. " goodness, how long is your riding lesson,then?" she asked. "well" I said " I have a lesson but I have to go on a hack and muck out Chloe and you know" "ok" she said. "I'll get Jez to pick you up when he and Zack come back from rugby later". Then she left and I went to put on my riding stuff and met my friend Emily. We went to go and tack up out horses. By the way my horse is Chloe. She is dapple grey all over and Emily's horse is Star. She is all black apart from one White foot and a White star shape on her forehead, which is where she got her name. Emily and I are riding partners if you like. We both started when we were 6. Emily's family are top riders and I hated home so much that I spent most days here for the past 8 years. Suffice to say we are both pretty good. After our lesson Emily and I just mucked about on the horses till our lifts arrived. I was just in the middle of mounting Chloe bareback whilst she was cantering when Jez and Zack arrived. His face was hilarious. "and I thought rugby was dangerous" was his only response. I quickly took Chloe back to her stable and put her coat on her. Then I got changed and this time, remembered to take it home with me so I wouldn't have to go through the changing débâcle in the first place next time. I ran to meet Zack and we went home. I knew that layer that evening I would have to go through what had happened last night with Sian and I was frantically trying to think of a feasible story that didn't involve the word rape. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, more that I wasn't ready. I knew she had seem my self harm because my sleeves had been rolled up when I came to this morning, but I didn't know how much of my story I was able to re-live.

…...

Hi 3 so, sorry about the random horsey bit in the middle ;) it was a bit random but...

Leave a review if you have time to...it means the world to me! ~ A x


	4. Chapter 4

When Sian arrived back I went down to meet her to have the long awaited conversation. She took my hand and gently lead me into the sitting room and shut the door. We sat down and she was about to speak but I said "it's going to make more sense if I start right from the beginning." she nodded so I added. "and please, don't speak"  
My life was perfect up until I was about 6. My family loved me and we had a nice house, kind of like here. Then when I was 6 my dads business went under. We lost the house along with everything in it. My dad was angry and he drank too much. When he came home from the pub he used to hit me with his belt, and again in the morning. He said that I had lost him the business because my mum had to leave to look after me. That's what all the scars on my back are. I got used to the beatings after a bit. I found I could just take my mind away from that place, to somewhere else. It hurt, but what hurt more was that they didn't love me. But I could live with it. Then, about a year ago Nick arrived. He was the son of a family friend and he was the kind of offspring my parents actually wanted. Because he was male. So, in an attempt to rescue the family name I was set up with Nick. And he was besotted with me, not that I cared. I hated him. We went out about 3 times a week and hated every second. I could tell he wasn't interested in me at all, and he was sure we were going to marry. And he frequently told me of what my place would be in his house. As a women I would stay home and do nothing, which frankly I found medieval. In my opinion it wasn't a relationship so I just went out with other people at the same time. I didn't care about cheating on Nick and I didn't want to be going out with him and we never did anything remotely romantic so I didn't feel like I was cheating on the other guys. That's when met Zack. The other relationships had just kind of been to spite Nick and my family, but this was different. It felt, feels special. And I know that sounds silly, but it does. So as you know I was round here quite a lot and my parents were quite suspicious, but I said I was at my friends' houses. That was until Emily called one time to speak to me about something whilst I was supposedly round at her house. When I got home it all came out. My parents told me that I had to stay with Nick. They had sold me to Nick's family, I say, failing to suppress a sob. The sold me, I repeat, whilst Sian gently put her arm around me and pulled me closer to her and rubbed my back gently. Then, I continue, I told them that I wouldn't. That I hated Nick with all my heart, and that I would rather die than marry him. I knew I'd gone to far, but I hated them, and I hated what they had done to me. I was so angry. All those years I had never said anything to anyone. No one knew, no one noticed the marks on my back or my wrists. I felt so alone. I think that's why I started cutting, just to feel something. Just to know that I was still alive. When I cut I feel free, more free than I ever did at home. When the blood runs, its like watching all of my sadness run out of me, and afterwards, I feel better. But it doesn't last for long. I got addicted, I began to cut more and more frequently. When I started off it wasn't that bad. I think I did it first some time in year 7. But only once. Then again, a couple of times in year 8. nothing too serious. But then, about half way through year 9, Nick came along. That's when I started cutting properly. I was cutting every day, some days I would just sit on my bedroom floor and cry and cut, because that was all that was good in my life. And I've kept cutting like that since then. And I remember one time, I think it was my darkest moment. I'd just been out to dinner with Nick, and he'd asked me to marry him, this was only about a month ago. At this point I still had no idea that I was destined to be with him forever, so I said no. he got so angry. He grabbed my wrist and took me into and alley. He started to beat me up. Hitting me and kicking me. When he finished, he left me there. I have no idea how long I sat there for. But when I eventually mustered up the strength to go home, it was late, late enough for my parents to not still be up, they never knew about it. Not that they would have cared. They threw me out when they found out about me and Zack. I had no where to go, no one to turn to, so I ended up in a burned out old car in the woods. It was my new home. That was about a month ago. It was fine, to an extent, until yesterday. When I was there a man came round. He said that he was just out of prison and that the car was his place. He slammed me up against a wall and he had a knife. I was so scared, I almost whisper. Sian squeezed my hand gently and I carried on. He was tantalising me. Drawing the knife across my throat gently. Getting harder each time. I couldn't take it. I tried to push him away, but in the process he dug his knife all the way down my leg. I didn't care, I couldn't feel it. I ran here. It was the only place I could think of. Although, by the time I got here, I could hardly see or walk. You know the rest, I say. I looked up at her but she said nothing, just drew me closer to her. That was when I realised I was crying, well more like sobbing and shuddering. She had one arm protectively around me back and she was stroking my hair with the other, and she was whispering gently and comfortingly into my ear.

…...

Leave a review if you have time :) it means so much to me, even if you don't like it ~ A x


	5. Chapter 5

Nothing much happened for the rest of the week. I just went around with them like I was a normal member of their family. But I was becoming increasingly worried that I was late. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. One evening I went into the bathroom and did a test. I horrified to see that all 3 tests claimed the same thing. Pregnant. I couldn't take it. Tears clouded my vision as I removed the blade from my razor and began to cut. I never thought that I would stoop this low when I was with them, but I couldn't stop. But the cutting wasn't helping, not this time. I guess what was happening was too real, and the freedom wasn't coming, so I stood up and dropped it to the floor, before walking towards the medicine cabinet in a daze. Part of me was saying that this wasn't the way out. That maybe I could live with it. But I knew that I couldn't. Even with their help. After all, if they found out about this, they might not want me. I reached randomly into the cupboard, picking up the first thing I saw, painkillers. I took half the first packet, then, with the remainder of that packet in my hand along with whole of the next I paused, staring at them in my hand, before lifting them into my mouth.  
Sian's POV  
It was odd. I hadn't seen India for ages. In fact I hadn't seen her since dinner earlier. I went into Zack's room to ask him if he had seen her, but he wasn't in his room either. I was starting to get worried, but then I heard a noise downstairs. I was relieved, but I went down to check anyway, and what I saw shocked me. Zack was there, yes, and so was Madi, getting on for once in their lives, I noticed, but no India. I asked Madi and Zack if they had seen her, but they too had not. By this time my mind was jumping to all sorts of crazy conclusions, but then I remembered seeing the bathroom door being locked shut when I came downstairs. I had assumed it was Jez, but I could quite plainly see him in the kitchen, so I ran upstairs and knocked on the door, gently. No reply. So I tried again, this time calling her name. But still no reply. I was starting to panic now. Ramming my fist down on the door, but all to no avail. Then I had a thought. "Jez" I screamed repeatedly at the top of my lungs. Eventually he came, looking flustered. "Bash the door down" I said. He gave me a strange look, but I just shouted "do it" he looked a bit taken aback, but started running at the door, slamming into it with his shoulder. What seemed like hours later the door finally splintered and came off it's hinges. What I saw inside made me gasp in horror. There indeed was India. But she was slumped up against the wall black tear tracks running down her face, and she was lowering her arm from her mouth. Her arms were in ribbons and there was blood all over the floor. But by the time my mind had processed all of this information, Jez had already run into the room and had stuck his hand inside her mouth. I had no idea what he was doing until I saw the now empty packets of painkillers next to her limp body. He was pulling what seemed like endless pills out of her mouth and after he was satisfied he started to thump her on the back. She was coughing weakly as more and more pills resurfaced. Eventually he stopped and passed her gently over to me. I looked at the extent of the damage as she lay weakly in my arms. Her wrists were in ribbons, slit beyond repair, but, to me, it looked like it wasn't the first time she had cut herself this badly. Old wounds re-opened, new wounds created. I hated to see her like this. She was breathing gently and her eyes were closed. I pulled her closer towards me, not caring that my tan dress would get blood and mascara all over it and stroked her hair gently. I couldn't even begin to think what could have happened to make her feel this way, so bad that she thought the only way out was death. And I couldn't work out why it wouldn't have just been easier just to tell someone. Before, I thought she had told me everything, but it seemed that was not the case, but I wondered what could have been so much worse than what she had already told me, that she couldn't voice it. But something was telling me that there was something wrong. Her breathing seemed to be getting weaker. "no, no, no, no, no, no, no" I whispered before screaming again down the stairs "Jez, call an ambulance" with no hesitation, he did so. Everything was moving so fast, I had no time to think. Soon, the ambulance arrived, and India was carried in and immediately attached to a huge number of wires. I went with her in the ambulance, Jez following behind in the car with Zack and Madi. The paramedics were rushing around madly, checking machines but, to me, it was all a blur. Voices, movement, all merged into one, whilst I just sat there, holding the hand of one, I realised, I did not know so much about as I once thought. But the sounds being emitted from the machines were becoming few and far between. And the paramedics were becoming more flustered, but I had no idea why.

…...

Sorry I didn't upload yesterday...I was really busy! and Shooting The Stars...thanks for the pointer about speech marks :)

Leave a review if you have time :) it means so much to me! ~ A x


	6. Chapter 6

Sian's POV

I had no idea for how long I had been standing in the hospital, just pacing up and down. There was still no news on India. People had come and gone and I was just here, waiting. I looked at my watch. 2.03am, Jez and the kids had gone home hours ago. So now it was just me. When we had arrived India had been critical, now I had no idea. She had gone into surgery, but that was all I knew. I paced back and forth more, wondering how long she would be in there for, or even if she would survive. I tried not to think about that, but I knew it was a possibility. Again, more people leaving, but I was still here. Eventually, my name was called. I walked into a room and a man shut the door. He gestured for me to sit down, so I did.

"when your daughter arrived.."

"she's not my daughter" I interrupted

"I'm sorry" he said "I assumed" I smiled at him so he continued. "when India arrived she had taken a large overdose of paracetamol. She had also lost a lot of blood, and I don't know if you are aware of this, but she is pregnant."

"Pregnant" I questioned

"Yes" he replied. "and there are a lot of marks on her body"

"Her cuts, you mean?"

"No, there is some quite serious bruising on her chest area which I am sorry to tell you indicates that she may have been raped"

The room was swimming in front of my eyes. I clasped a hand to my mouth in shock. Raped? "and the surgery?" I asked, my eyes brimming with tears.

"Well, she's been very lucky. She's asleep at the moment, but if she makes it through the next 24 hours then there's a very good chance she will pull through"

"Can I see her?" I asked

"Of course" he said "come this way"

He lead me into a room. When I saw her my heart melted. She looked so small and fragile in a sea of white bedsheets and her arms were wired up to so many machines. I realised that whilst I had been standing there the man had disappeared, so I sat down on the chair next to her. I gently took her hand and rubbed little circles on it with my thumb. According to my watch I was meant to be in school in half an hour, but I wasn't going. If this could be her last 24 hours then I was going to be there. I would phone Michael and tell him, later. For the meantime I would just stay here.

Hours passed, but nothing was happening. There were tears in my eyes as the chance of her waking up got smaller and smaller. I never had got round to telling Michael, I hoped that Jez would have told him. But I realised that I had just sat here all day, waiting. Waiting for nothing.

…...Leave a review if you have time :) It makes my day ~ A x


	7. Chapter 7

Sian's POV

Days had passed, still nothing. I hadn't gone home, I'd hardly left the room. I could tell the doctors were starting to get agitated, something should have happened by now, but still, nothing. I wondered if she actually wanted to wake up, or whether she would have rather have been left to die. I tried to eliminate that thought from my head, but it was there, nagging at the back of my mind. When Jez had got home he had found the pregnancy tests, three of them, all positive. She had known all right. And after more testing the doctor had confirmed that she had been raped. It hadn't really sunk in to be honest. It seemed surreal, like it hadn't actually happened. I wish it hadn't. But I felt so guilty, like it was my fault. She hadn't been able to tell me, and because of that, the situation had escalated to this. I didn't know why, maybe she hadn't been ready, or maybe she just didn't want to think about it. But it had obviously been playing on her mind. I was still pondering this when I felt a slight squeeze on my hand, my heart leapt, could this really be happening? When I had almost given up hope. My heart was racing as I squeezed back, ever so gently, again the feeling was repeated. I held my breath as her eyelashes fluttered gently and then, slowly, her eyes began to open. I breathed a sigh of relief and broke into a smile, for the first time since then.

"Thank you" she said

"For what" I questioned

"For staying, for caring, for giving me a reason to wake up" she said gently.

I felt tears prick my eyes and I pulled her into a hug. But I knew that I had to ask her about what had happened.

"why didn't you tell me about that night?" I asked gently

I heard the breath catch in her throat, but she said "because I didn't want to think about it, because I thought that if I ignored it then the problem would go away. But on that night that man did more than I said he did. When he had me up against the wall he told me he was going to kill me, but that he had something else to do first. He pushed me to the floor, held me down and..." she said, breaking into a sob.

"It's alright" I said soothingly "You don't have to say it. But you got pregnant, yeah?"

She nodded and continued "When I found out my mind went crazy, I had no idea what to do. I wasn't initially planning for this to happen, I was only going to cut, but it wasn't working like it normally did, I wasn't feeling any release. I was just feeling so bad, it seemed like the only way out."

I said nothing, only held her closer, thankful that she'd be so lucky as to be saved.

…...I think these are getting shorter and shorter...I promise the next one will be longer...hopefully :)

Leave a review if you have time...it means a lot to me! ~ A x


	8. Chapter 8

India's POV

Today was my first day back at school I wasn't sure what to feel. I had stayed a couple more days in hospital and had had a couple of days at home with Sian, but I still wasn't sure I was ready. But I had to go back. Now or never, and I had a meeting with Mr Byrne this morning.

When I arrived at school Sian took me straight up to Mr Byrne's office. We went in and sat down.

"I'm sorry" said Mr Byrne

"For what?" I asked

"For not noticing that you were struggling"

I didn't say anything so he continued

"Obviously now that we know you are struggling we will be able to help you. I would like you to go to regular counselling meetings with the school counsellor.

He looked like he wanted to say more, but I could see Sian giving him warning glares in the glass behind his desk. So he simply said

"You may go to your first lesson"

so I did. Ethics, this was not what I needed right now. Especially when I saw the title on the board. Does abortion go against the Sanctity of Life? You see, I hadn't decided what I was going to do with the baby. And although it might be useful to go through various arguments in my mind, I knew it would just make me more confused about what I was going to do. I had the feeling this lesson was just going to make me feel guilty.

I stared down at my paper, at first I was pretty certain I was going to have an abortion, now I wasn't so sure. Part of me was saying that it would be cruel to kill a little person, especially if it could feel pain, but on the other hand, if I didn't want it and I wasn't ready for it then surely it would have a poor quality of life. Oh, I have no idea, my head was spinning, I couldn't think straight. All I wanted to do was cut, but I had promised Sian that I wouldn't. She thought she had all my knives, but I had kept one, just for emergencies. But I didn't want to break, not yet. I tried to ignore the feeling, but it just got stronger and stronger. I had no idea what was going on in my lesson any more, all I could hear were voices in my head, telling me to cut. My hands were shaking, I couldn't take it any more. So I lifted my hand into the air.

"may I go to the toilet please, miss?" I asked, very politely. She agreed so I left, restraining myself from just running. Sometimes I could calm myself with the thought of cutting, but not this time, I was too confused, too stressed. I walked into the toilets and took out my knife, my only knife. I ran the blade across the underside of my arm, gently at first, before cutting in deeply. I cut again and again, each time feeling the release as the blood trickled out of my arm, into the sink below. I was cutting deeper and deeper, it didn't matter any more, my arm was already in tatters.

After about 10 minutes I realised I should probably get back to class, before people got suspicious, that was the last thing I needed. So I washed my arm and walked back to class, feeling significantly calmer. But as I was walking the magnitude of what I had done seemed to dawn on me. The thing is, I'd never felt guilty after cutting before, but this time I felt like I'd betrayed people. But I wasn't sure if that was a step forward of back. Sure, on the surface it seemed good, perhaps if I felt guilty I wouldn't cut so often, but I had an underlying feeling that it would just make me cut more because I was stressed about feeling guilty. Still, for the moment at least, I could concentrate more on the matter in hand, what I was going to do with the baby. I walked back into class, trying to look relaxed but my heart was thumping, like it always did. So afraid that someone would find out. I know that Sian knew, but I didn't want it getting out school, I didn't want people to treat me differently, because I knew they would, even though they always say they wont. I've always been completely paranoid about that, I don't think I've ever turned up to a P.E lesson at any of my schools, but they've all been so lax about rules that no one seemed to even notice. But I guessed I wouldn't have to go at all now that Mr Byrne knew, or at least I hoped I wouldn't.

I suddenly noticed that everyone else was writing, and figured out that I too was supposed to be writing about the pros and cons of abortion. It seemed to be easier now, less confusing, but I was still undecided. I knew I would have to work it out some time very soon, but I had no idea what I was going to do. The lesson was over and I had written 2 lines, I handed it in and my teacher looked unimpressed, not that I really cared. I had more important things on my mind. I couldn't really see myself being fully pregnant and I defiantly couldn't see the actual birth. I wasn't ready, and I was pretty sure I would be ready in 9 months time, but I still knew I'd feel guilty killing it, but it was for the best, right.

My next 2 lessons passed without anything worth mentioning happening and now I was pretty much decided about the abortion. At lunch I saw Sian in the corridors and I asked to talk to her. Immediately she dropped everything she was doing and lead me into her office, a worried look on her face. I wondered what I had done to deserve someone like her, someone who actually cared. Part of me felt I wasn't good enough for her to be bothered with, but she did anyway. But I was worried that one day she would realise what she was doing was an impossible task and just drop me. It was constantly on my mind, because that was what I was ultimately most scared of was not rape or pregnancy, but abandonment. But for the moment everything seemed ok. Part of me wanted to tell her that I had cracked already, to be held in her arms and be told that everything was ok, but I didn't want to see the tears of disappointment in her eyes, so I let it slide.

"I want to talk about the baby" I said, sitting down next to her on the sofa. She nodded so I continued "Do you think it's alright for me to have an abortion, you don't think it would it would be bad"

She immediately put her arm around me and replied "sweetheart, it's about you, no one else. If your not ready to have a baby then don't have one. No ones going to think less of you for having an abortion."

"But" I say "what if I feel guilty about it, and what if it hurts the baby"

"You have nothing to feel guilty about" she reassured me "its just 2 pills. And you're not far gone enough for the baby to feel pain anyway. I promise"

"Ok" I say "But will you come with me?" I asked

"Of course" she said. She gently squeezed my hand before asking "do you think you're ready to go back to class?"

I nodded so we both left and I walked to my lesson, feeling more at peace.

…...So sorry for not uploading for ages...I was a bit busy :( but I made it extra long so...

Don't forget to review if you have time...it means more than you could ever realise ~A x


	9. Chapter 9

India's POV

I walked down Sian's sweeping staircase, still unsure of what I was doing. I had made the decision, I couldn't go back now, could I? I entered the kitchen unaware of my surroundings. I sat down at the breakfast table and studied my cereal intently. I pushed it around around the bowl but I couldn't bear to eat it, I didn't feel I could do anything. I just kept going over what I was going to do in my head. I hated what I was doing, I felt so selfish. After about 10 minutes of pointless swirling Sian tapped me on the shoulder.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked

I wasn't aware she had been watching me. I simply nodded and stood up. I got into her car, still not really with it. I just stared out of the window, watching the world go by, but it felt like my world was standing still, waiting for me to do something. All too soon we arrived. Sian checked me in and we sat down in the waiting room. I watched the other people there. Mainly couples, some looking at brochures. I felt so bad, I imagined most of these people must be trying for babies, some with no luck. I hated myself so much. Here I was waiting to kill an innocent life form, whilst all these people around me were trying so hard to create one, some unable to, and here I was destroying something some people would treasure.

People came and went. Happy couples, rejoicing in their lives, some looking less than happy, desperately wishing for the thing I was throwing away without a backward glance. Suddenly I couldn't take it. Not any more, I felt too guilty. I stood up sharply, sending leaflets flying from the near by table in the process. I ran out of that place, brushing tears from my eyes as I did so. I had no idea where I was going, just away. I needed time to think, to know I was doing the right thing.

I could hear Sian calling after me, but I ignored her, I needed time on my own. I just kept running, only slightly more awake than I was earlier. Just noticing my surroundings, not really taking any notice of them. I found myself running back to the place this had all begun. That forest. I didn't know why. I just thought I would be able to think thing through more clearly if I could go back to where it actually happened. I just kept running, hoping that if I kept running for long enough, if I got far enough away, my problems would get left behind too.

Sian's POV

I had no idea what was going on. India had just run out of the clinic. She had seemed distant, yes, but I had had no idea she was feeling this conflicted. But despite my best efforts to keep up with her she was getting further and further away from me, until she was completely out of sight. I leaned back up against a wall, breathing heavily. There was no way I was going to be able to catch up with her. I decided it would be a better course of action to play to my strengths and try to work out where she might have gone. I ran through the places in my mind. Home? No, otherwise why would she be running away from me? School, possibly, but I had the feeling she wanted to be alone, so she probably wouldn't go there either. I realised I was at a severe disadvantage having only moved here very recently. I had no idea where most things were. I rang up Tom to see if he had any ideas. After all, he always seemed to know what was going through the kids' minds. He wasn't picking up, so whilst hastily pressing re-dial I grabbed my car keys and started to make my way back to my car. I drove as fast as I could back to the school, not caring about how many speed limits I might have been breaking, there were more important things on my mind. Soon I arrived at school and I rushed into Tom's GCSE English class.

"Mr Clarkson, may I have a word, please?" I asked. He came outside and asked

"Everything alright?"

"It's India" I said

"What about her?" he asked.

"She's run away somewhere" I replied.

"Do you have any idea why?" he said.

"We were at the abortion clinic, but I don't think she was ready. Do you have any idea where she might have gone?" I asked desperately.

"Well, how should I know?" he said.

"Because you're always good with the kids. You seem to know what they're thinking." I replied.

"I suppose she might have gone back to where it began, it makes sense that she might want to think things over where it actually happened. Do you know where it was?" he asked.

"A forest" I said "But what help is that. I have no idea where the nearest forest is, it could be anywhere. And even if I do find it, how do I know where to find her. It'll be like searching for a needle in a haystack" I replied worriedly.

"I think you're better off asking Michael that" he said "he used to live here, so he probably knows it better than most"

"Al right" I said, rushing off "and Tom" I call over my shoulder "Thanks"

"No problem" he replied

I rushed up the stairs and burst into Michael's office.

"Sian" he said disapprovingly "I'm in the middle of a meeting" he said, gesturing to Lorraine.

"Sorry" I replied "it's urgent, where's the nearest forest" He raised his eyebrows at me but I just said "Michael"

He looked at me like I was completely mad but pointed out to me on the nearest available map. I grabbed the map and started to run out of the office, but he stopped me.

"Sian, what's this all about" he questioned

"No time" I replied, breaking free of his grasp and rushing back to my car.

Not soon enough for my liking I arrived at the wood. Luckily for me it was not too vast, but still, I had no idea where to begin. So, I just plunged in at a random point, and hoped it was close to where she was. Horrible thought were floating in my mind about her finding the man who had done this to her, and what he might do to her now. I walked faster, determined to find her before it was too late.

I wasn't sure for how long I had been wandering aimlessly when I thought I heard someone crying. I moved slowly towards the sound and discovered I was correct. The sight broke my heart. India was there, leaning her back against a tree trunk, her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. I immediately ran over to her and enveloped her in my arms. I felt her curling her fingers around my coat and I held her closer, stroking her hair gently. She seemed to respond to this, lifting her head slightly and looking up at me, her blue eyes filled with tears.

"I'm Sorry" she whispered

"Shh" I said gently "It's ok,I know why you did it. It's my fault, I shouldn't have forced you into a decision.

She seemed slightly calmed by this, gently resting her head on my chest. But her breathing was still shaky, although, at least it wasn't still the pained gasps she was making earlier. I gently rocked in time with her breathing, trying to calm her. I rested my chin on top of her head, glad that I had found her safe.

…...

Thank you SO MUCH to musiclover1599 for helping me out when I had serious writers block :) If you have time you should check out her story 'is it really that easy' It's really good!

Please review if you have time...it means the world to me xx


	10. Chapter 10

India's POV

I looked at myself in the mirror, smiling, for once. I ran my hands over my stomach an smiled even more at the very small bump that was beginning to show. I was only 10 weeks in so I was quite surprised to see it. None of my friends knew yet, I didn't know when I was going to tell them. I had only just really got my head around the idea myself, actually having a baby, but I was sure of myself now, I knew it was the right decision, I would never have been able to go through with the abortion and in a way I was glad I hadn't. It would be nice to have some family of my own. Don't get me wrong, I love the Diamonds more than anything, but I wanted something of my own, someone of my own. I had pretty much been disowned by my own parents and I didn't particularly feel like going back to them to build breeches, in fact, horrible as it sounds, I didn't mind if I never saw them again after what they had done. They weren't family, not any more. But despite this, I was pretty happy, there was just one thing at the back of my mind, the cutting. I knew I had to stop, but it was an addiction. I couldn't even understand why I felt the need to do it any more, I wasn't sad after all, far from it. But however hard I tried, I just couldn't give it up. It was like my backbone, always there, supporting me. But, for the moment I just tried not to think about it. I wondered if I would end up doing it for ever. It felt like it might be that way at the moment. I'd been cutting for as long as I could remember, and I couldn't remember ever having stopped for more than a couple of days before falling back into my old habits. But I tried not to think about that for the moment, just focus on the present. I wondered if I told someone they might be able to help, but I was too ashamed. However, for the moment, I was happy. So, with one last glance at my small bump, I made my way downstairs.

Very soon after, we made our way to school, but I was starting to feel less euphoric, familiar feelings were starting to rise again, but this time I was determined to ignore them, how hard could it be?

I made my way to my first lesson, English, with Mr Clarkson. Still fighting the feelings. I wish I had left my blade at home today, it would have made things a lot easier. But I had, and I couldn't bear to get rid of it. I sat at my desk and tried to concentrate on writing an essay but all that was going around my head was 'I want to cut. I need to cut' I couldn't push it away, however hard I tried. The room was swimming before my eyes, the noises all blurring into one. I could feel my breathing getting heavy. I needed to cut. I clenched my fists and breathed in deeply. I would not cut, not any more. But it was so hard. I was holding onto my desk, my fingers curling round the sides and I could feel my other hand clasping the piece of paper I had been writing on, crumpling it between my fingers. I couldn't take this for much longer. I could feel the blade in my blazer pocket weighing down one side of me, begging to be used, and my arm was aching for release. Then, someone tapped me on the shoulder. Sharply, I jumped and turned around to find Mr Clarkson kneeling my the side of my desk.

"Are you alright?" he asked

I snapped back to reality and said "Fine", desperately trying to steady my voice.

Mr Clarkson raised his eyebrows so I continued

"Honestly, Sir, I'm fine, I'm just thinking." I looked at him determinedly and he replied

"Well, if your sure"

I nodded so he moved back to his desk at the front, and I found myself falling back into the pit of despair.

By the end of the lesson I was almost at breaking point, but I kept going. I walked to my next class and sat down, but my mind was far from ready to learn French. About 10 minutes in I could take it no longer. I had to force myself to walk out of the room, rather than just running towards the one place I knew would make it better.

I checked there was no one in the toilets, before lifting the blade out of my pocket. I brushed it tentatively across my skin at first, but soon the cuts became deeper. After a couple of minutes I breathed in deeply, taking in what I had done to myself. Suddenly I broke down, so ashamed of what I had done. Hating myself. If I had gone this far then why not further. I was worth nothing now. I leaned closer the sink and dragged the blade up and down, blood seeping out of my veins. I couldn't even see my arm any more it was covered in so many cuts. I was getting deeper and deeper, tears gushing down my face, my breathing erratic and heavy. I had given up. I sunk to the floor, my head in my hands, sobbing more than I ever had before. I couldn't believe what I had done, how I could recover from it.

I don't know how long I sat there for, but I eventually stood up, and wiped the blood away, my cry for help unnoticed once more.

…... Please review if you have time...it means a lot ~ A x


	11. Chapter 11

India's POV  
I stared at my wrists again, as if the thousandth glance would reveal something the other nine hundred and ninety nine hadn't. But they still looked the same as ever. The scars weren't fading, not that I was giving them time to. I was still cutting every day and nothing was able to stop me. I had tried everything, but I still get all the same feelings. It was 9 o'clock in the evening, everyone was still awake, still downstairs. The atmosphere was so happy there and I couldn't relate to it. I just didn't know how to. Not any more. I should have been happy, I finally had what I wanted, a loving family, of sorts. But I just couldn't be. I could hear the laughter from downstairs. I had never felt more alone. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as I reached for my blade for the second time that day. If anything, I seemed to be getting worse. I dragged the blade across my wrist and made incision after incision, the blood flowing freely from my wrists. I felt myself smiling as I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. This was why I couldn't stop.

When I woke up in the morning I saw the dried blood on my wrist and suppressed a sob as as remembered who I let down, once again. My life was a total mess, and I needed to sort it out. I had a plan, that maybe if I managed to clear my head of some of the problems in it, that I would be able to stop cutting. And to do that I needed to set things straight with a couple of people.

I ran downstairs and grabbed my coat, hurrying off in search of my former boyfriend, Nick. I needed to move on from that part of my life. Close the door, lock it and never return. I found myself back in my old neighbourhood. It seemed odd, and I began to wonder if this was a good idea after all, still, I carried on. I hoped it would help in the long run. I passed my house, and wondered if my parents missed my. I thought not. They were probably glad I was gone, I certainly was. Still, I hid my face as I walked past, there was no way I was going back there.

As luck had it, I spotted Nick and 3 of his friends hanging around in an alleyway, the alleyway that he once knocked me unconscious in after I refused his marriage proposal. I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder with one finger. He spun round and looked me up and down.

"Where've you been, bitch" he asked

"Away" I replied simply

"Away where?" he snarled

"Somewhere, and I'm going back there again. I just came to tell you we're over" I said. I was about to turn around and leave when he shouted

"What did you say"

"That we're over" I repeated, slightly less sure of myself.

Suddenly he pushed me up against the wall of the alleyway.

"No one breaks up with me. You can't, even if you wanted to. Your family sold you to me because they hate you, I can't imagine why" He mocked "You know what happened the last time you refused me, don't you"

I nodded weakly, this had definitely not been a good idea.

"Well, you obviously don't remember well enough, so I guess I will have to remind you"

he gestured to his friends who began to advance towards me. They beat me up whilst Nick stood leaning against the opposite wall, his arms folded and texting on his phone. He obviously couldn't care less about me. The pain was nothing to me, I was used to it. It hurt, yes, but I'd dealt with so much pain that it didn't have the same effect any more. Mental pain hurt me so much more than physical pain.

Eventually, they stopped. Foolishly, I assumed it was over. It was far from over, for me anyway. As a last thought, Nick punched me square in the stomach. Normally I would have coped, but the baby made everything so different. I fell to the floor in pain, clutching my stomach, tears rolling down my cheeks. But the real reason I was crying was not because I was hurt, but because I might loose the baby.

…... Please review if you have time...it means a lot :) ~ A x

It's a bit short, but I'll update again tomorrow :)


	12. Chapter 12

India's POV

I had no idea how long I'd been lying there on the ground, just crying. I knew now that I'd lost the baby. I was numb. Just crying, alone on the ground.  
Sian's POV  
It was now 8 o'clock and I was starting to get worried about India. She had been out all day and I hadn't heard anything from her at all. But this time, I was at a complete loss for where he might have got to. No note, no texts. I couldn't just sit here doing nothing. But if I went out to find her who knows how long it would take. She could be anywhere. Still, I decided I would go out to look for her anyway. After all, Jez would still be here if she did come back. I grabbed my coat and car keys and rushed out of the house. Something told me, from my previous experiences, that she was most likely to go somewhere from her past. The only problem was that I had no idea where she used to live. however, I knew that her address would be in her file, the only problem was that the file was locked up inside Waterloo road. Could I break in? I knew the security code and probably no one would ever know. The thought of what could be happening to India at this very moment in time made the decision inevitable, I was going to have to break into my own school.

However, when I arrived at school, I was surprised to find it already unlocked. I had no idea what was going on, but I went for it anyway. I made my way up to the office and was very shocked to see Michael sitting at his desk. Did he work all the time? Still, I just walked in and started to rifle through his filing cabinet. So engrossed was I that I didn't even notice him walking up towards me. He tapped me on the shoulder and I spun round in shock.

"Sian? What are you doing here?" he questioned.

"I have to find India's file" I said hurriedly, preparing to turn around again but he stopped me.

"What ever for?" he asked. "and anyway, you're looking in the wrong place" he said, pointing to a different filing cabinet in the corner of the room.

"Thanks" I said "and I need to find her old address, I think she might have gone back there" I had no idea why I was telling him this, but I was. He didn't say anything more, so I grabbed the file as quickly as I could and rushed back to my car and tapped the address into my sat-nav.

By the time I arrived it was dark. I walked up the front path to house, but it looked pretty deserted to me. I rang the doorbell, but no one replied. I didn't press it again. Something told me that she had gone somewhere else. But I had no idea where that somewhere else might be, so I walked aimlessly, hoping to come across a sign.

I found nothing. I was about to give up when I noticed a back alley I hadn't been down. I was a little wary of what might be down it, but India's safety was much more important. I walked down it and saw a figure. I started backwards before realised they were crying. I knelt down and realised it was India.

"India?" I questioned, tapping her slightly on the shoulder. She jumped and let out a little scream, pulling away from me.

"Hey, it's ok, it's me." I said gently. She looked up slightly, her eyes full of tears.

"What happened?" I asked. She didn't answer, simply threw herself at me and started to sob uncontrollably. I had no idea what had happened to her, but I knew it wasn't good. She was gripping onto me so tightly so I gently wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her head. Now wasn't the time to ask.

…... Heyy :) im sooo sorry for not uploading for aggesssssss but I've been really busy so...

and side note..I'm so glad they're finally doing self harm on the actual programme...about time ;) x

Please review if you have time...it means the world to me :) xx


	13. Chapter 13

India's POV

I was numb. I had been since that night. It hadn't sunk in properly yet. I was just staring out of the window, doing nothing. Sian was taking me to the hospital, just to check that what I thought had happened really had. What I knew had happened. I hadn't said much since then. It's like I was out of my body. I couldn't feel anything yet. I knew that Sian was worried about me, but I couldn't pretend everything was fine any more, when it so obviously wasn't. I'm tried of living a lie. Part of me wanted to tell her everything. That I hadn't really stopped cutting. That I was falling in a deep hole, and nothing anyone could do would be able to life me out of it. I just wanted to tell one person, without everyone else having to know. But I knew that couldn't happen. Legally it couldn't anyway. I was still thinking when I felt Sian tap me on the shoulder.

"We're here" she said gently.

I got out of the car silently and walked inside with her. Pretty quickly my name was called and so we went into the room and were greeted by a woman. I lay on the couch and waited for the truth. Even though I knew what was going to happen. Still, there was a slight glimmer of hope in my heart. But it was to no avail. I saw her shake her head and I heard Sian breathe in sharply. I got the feeling she was afraid of what I might do to myself now that it was completely certain. She was too late. I'd never stopped. I felt her put her hand over the top of mine. I flinched slightly. It seemed I was distancing myself from everyone. She lead me outside and we went home. I still said nothing. All I knew now was that when we got home it was inevitable that I would fall back onto the only good thing in my life, the only thing that made me feel alive. Because without it I was never sure I was still breathing. When we arrived home, I had to restrain myself from just running up the stairs. I was doomed to addiction from the moment I started, but despite all of this I never once regretted it, and I still found so many reasons for needing to do it. It had become my backbone. I could no longer live without it.

As soon as I got upstairs I grabbed my blade and ran it across my skin sharply. I watched the blood flow but I still felt nothing. I ran it up and down my arm and breathed out. It seemed that it hadn't yet lost its effect. The blood kept flowing and flowing, and each new cut brought a new flow of relief, and I relished it. So much so that I didn't hear my door open and the footsteps on my carpet.

I was facing away from the door so it wasn't until I heard a gasp that I looked around in shocked horror. Sian was there in the middle of my room. She could see everything. Suddenly I couldn't take it any more. I completely broke down. I needed help and I had given up trying to hide the fact that I did. Sian came and sat down next to me and took my wrist in her hand.

"Show me" she said gently.

I slowly lifted up my sleeve and revealed what I had been doing all this time.

"Did you ever stop?" she asked.

I simply shook my head, tears cascading down my face.

…...

Sorry I didn't update for ages again! I kind of forgot ;)

Please review if you have time...each review means a lot to me ~ A x


	14. Chapter 14

Part 14

_'Did You Ever Stop?' she asked softly_

_I merely shook my head, unable to look into her eyes._

However, she gently put one hand underneath my chin and lifted my head up so that I was looking into her eyes.

'I'll always love you, no matter what, you know that, don't you?' she said, brushing away the tears that were falling freely down my cheeks with her thumb. 'Please tell me what's been going on, sweetheart. I promise that we'll get through this, get you the help you need, yeah?

I moved my eyes back to the floor again. I hated that I had become such a burden on her. She was probably better off without me. I mean, what was I to her, really? A student, that's all, nothing special. I wasn't anything special to anybody. I probably never would be. Lets face it, I was a mess. A total failure. A life fuelled from addiction. A life based on lies. No one knew the true me. They knew the old me, the me that I pretend to be, but I lost her a long time ago, too long ago to ever recover her. She was long gone. So, in a sense, was I. Or at least, I wished I was. But I had failed at that too. To weak to even manage to do something that it was obvious everyone craved me to do. I didn't belong here. Not any more.

However, my musings were cut short by Sian starting to talk again.

'Look at me, India.' she said gently. 'One day you are going to be happy again. It can only get better. And I promise that I will stay by your side the whole time, baby. After all., we're family now'

'Really?' I questioned

'Of course we are' she replied

I felt myself smiling slightly through the tears. Perhaps, just perhaps, there was a reason to stay here after all.

~ Fin ~

…...

well, I've not updated for ages. But here we are. The final chapter :D ….but its not quite the end...there is an epilogue coming soon (ish. Knowing me, probably in about 3 years time ;) )

But thank you all for staying with me through this story. Your all amazing :) ~ A x


	15. Epilogue

Epilogue  
My name is India Diamond, née Evans. An official member of the Diamond family. Yes, Sian and Jez adopted me and we've been doing just fine. In fact, things have been a lot better recently. Since Sian discovered that I was still self harming I've been going to therapy sessions. I had a couple of slip ups, but I am proud to say that my wrists have been clean for 4 months now. The scars are fading, never to be reopened. That chapter of my life is over now and I guess I'm starting to feel normal now. I'm never going to see my family again now. The courts found out what they had done to me when we were going through the adoption process which gave Sian and Jez total custody over me. As for Nick, he's long gone. I haven't spoken to him since the day he attacked me. I never did catch up with the sorry life form that sparked all of this. I don't think I want to. Intrinsically evil as what he did was, he helped me in a way. I don't know how long I would have pretended everything was alright otherwise. But that's all over now. So what I suppose I'm trying to say is that however far down that road you have gone. You can always turn around. It's never too late. You can always be happy again.


End file.
